Slartboz: What You Can Do In-Game (However Insane)

What you can do in the game Slartboz:

- have a laser pistol in holster at your side
- have a laser pistol OUT of your holster
- point a laser pistol at somebody you don't like
- point a laser pistol at your own face (accidentally; typically, only once per game)
- have a loyal robot friend
- have a demented robot friend (who stares at you at night while you sleep, slowly inching closer and closer, in silence, until/unless caught before he powers up his little vibro-drill)
- go on adventures in The Wylde with your buddies
- interview enthusiastic candidates to join your upcoming scavenge expedition team by asking brutally hard yet irrelevant questions and making ludicrous demands
- drink slurm (a slimy white mystery substance -- vitamin rich!)
- eat glerms (a foul-tasting mystery meat -- nutrient loaded)
- avoid chores
- run from mutant bears (why your team ALWAYS hires a few expedition members on a "trial basis" who are known to be slower than you in the 100m dash (measured & confirmed during their grueling interview process). YAY CAPITALISM!)
- take frequent naps (although its rare you'll earn XP during them. pro-tip to you grinders out there)
- find "Wuv, Tru Wuv" (possibly. if you're lucky/unlucky)
- go on adventures you'll never forget
- go on adventures you WISH you could forget afterwards
- achieve something worthy of being called a true and epic Hero whose very name passes into legend and myth (and then wake-up from your dreamare just in time to ensure you catch the last of the hot water in your habitat module's utterly filthy and usually broken, communal shower)
- defeat Evil (only to see it come back in the Slartboz sequel; defeat it there again; oh look in Slartboz 3 the Evil has Come Back yet again, what are the odds?; hey baby needs to make bank. YAY CAPITALISM!!!)
- swap in-jokes with Bonk, your best fren
- help your amazing gee-eff Fern build up the biggest known collection of shoes leftover from The Before Times, a collection the sure envy of every single sick and often malnourished survivor struggling to get by in the dystopic hellscape known as Normerika, a people and place once truly mighty and beloved world-wide but now a poisoned land of great sadness and regret (thankfully still kept regularly entertained by rerun recordings of old TV sitcoms and YooToob pranks, and cat shenanigan vids, also from The Before Times)
- save the world